i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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