i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
