When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
