eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
