i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
