I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
