It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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