he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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