Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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