Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
