alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
