I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
