Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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