You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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