Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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