i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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