thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
