No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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