I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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