I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
