Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
