i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
