Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
