U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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