im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
two words: eviction party
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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