Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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