Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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