Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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