Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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