I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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