remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Randomize
