You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
