No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
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