He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
