so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
