so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
