At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
