Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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