exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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