ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
