A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
