At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
