Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
