Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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