When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
