she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
