he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
