I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
