my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
