She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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