Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
