dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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